Back

In the mean time my parents in law also don't come anymore. In the period that it went better with me, they called once if Henk could come to help them with the bad room. But we had already an appointment that day and since then we haven't heard anymore of them. They are mad, because we hadn't had time for them that day... as if we are waiting till they call! No, when I am feeling better I want to do things and make plans and appointments and apparently they can't accept that.

This year my grandmother passed away and I went in my wheelchair to her funeral. My family hadn't contacted me since 1998. The only family member who spoke to us, is my aunt who signed my guestbook. This aunt frequently asked my mother how I were doing. Her daughter is learning for being a nurse and at school they talked for a short time about ME and there is even asked if someone knows anyone who has ME, she told about me. Because of this they told more about ME!

The funeral was a hard and long time for me. At one moment I was totally exhausted and I have 'paid' for it for weeks, but I am glad that I went.

Last summer I wrote a letter to all my family members. I wanted to do this for years, but because of my lack of energy I wasn't able to. My plan was to sent this letter to my whole family. But I didn't do this for 2 reasons; 1. they would annoy my mother that it is scandalous that I have sent that letter and I didn't want this and 2. because I had put it all on paper I felt better about it.

However just recently my aunt has read my homepage and just then she realized how hard it was/is for me. Since then I am again doubting if I maybe should sent the letter.
(note Sseptember 2004: I still haven't sent that letter and I also don't feel the need to do this. It is that, now with the new lay-out I am looking through my website again, that I remember that letter, but before that I haven't thought about it for years.)

I do blame my family however what they have done to me on my fathers birthday. I was already bedridden, but could sit up for about 2 hours so I went to my fathers birthday. I dressed up nice and even had put some make-up on (I shouldn't have done this, because in short time my eyes were red and aching). I used already a wheelchair, but I didn't want to bring it with me. As we arrived there were already family members there, so we had to park the car a bit further away and I had to 'walk' a bit further. I was then already allergic to the sun for a couple of years and so I wanted to sit in the shadow. This was a problem for my family, because no one wanted to make place for me. Then Henk moved the sunshade so that I still sat in the shadow and my mother went inside to get all the sun cream she had, to see which one had the highest factor. Then my family asked what was wrong with me. I said that I probably had ME/CFIDS (I didn't have the diagnose yet). No that was not so, they mend, I just didn't want to go to work according to them. Then an aunt and her husband started that it was psychical, because her husband had also been tired for a (short) time and had difficulty walking. But he then met a paranormal someone who he had real good conversations with and since then he was all better, so that's what I had to do also. They just didn't want to listen to me, that with me it was different and that I had a lot more symptoms than just being tired. They just kept pushing that it was psychical. Other family members didn't find it interesting anymore and started talking about something else. So meanwhile there were several conversations going on, this exhausted me a lot and than the frustration of the discussion with that aunt and her husband... that I at one point couldn't keep back my tears anymore. Henk too was annoyed, he rather stayed at home because he had expected this. My mom also started being annoyed and said that my aunt had to shut up, but of course she didn't.

September 2001 part 1

Next

Sitemap