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Well there has happened a lot which has also startled me a lot.
The less shocking is that I have lost the case which my ex-PGB-carer has put up against me and that I had to pay her 3 months income.
The judge was an asshole, who also was very grumpy and didn't want to hear anything (according to Henk and my mom who where there for me). She even hadn't had to work those 3 months for her money, because that period was already over... that's what they call making money quickly and easy.
You will be wondering what is even more shocking?
Well Monday 26 July Henk came to me as I was awake and told me he didn't see it anymore and wanted to quite our relationship. Boom what a blast. I knew he had it difficult, but I had never suspected this.
It appears that he had met the girlfriend of the brother of a friend he had visited and that she, after they had spoken to each other about 2-3 times, said to him that he had to choose for his own future. This he has done. Everything she said was holy to him, she knew everything etc. I couldn't believe that he believed this chick of 22 years old more then me. Henk hasn't given our relation any chance of succeeding. Also due to her, because each time he had to msn her and she asked him to come... she claimed him considerable and this while he condemned me of claiming! I have never claimed him, when he wasn't at home I only called him when I really needed him; if I for example had fell out of bed and didn't get back in or when the cats had broke something of glass to which they could hurt their legs and stuff, but otherwise I didn't call. Anyway, because of her and because she was a saint to him we barely have talked.
At one point my parents came to stay with me, because he wanted to go to this mother for 2 weeks. My parents and I knew upfront that this wouldn't end, but there was no other solution. The gp urgently replied at RIO for a temporary hospitalization at a nursing home, but this of course was denied by the RIO because I need psychical help according to them. During the intake I immediately asked for more hours of care, because Henk is gone and he did many things for me. This is also refused. Yes I got 3 hours of care more, but they took away 3 hours of housekeeping because I only use the living room and the bedroom and rest of the house hasn't to be cleaned anymore according the rules. The fact that I take a bath when I feel up to, that my food is being prepared in the kitchen and that my excretions have to be cleaned out isn't a point to them apparently. Besides Henk is gone and so according to the rules that's 1 washing machine a week less and so less PGB. So in total I still have max. 20 hours PGB a week.
Of course I appealed to this and this while my appeal of the beginning of this year is still at CVZ to judge. So I also called CVZ that my situation meanwhile has changed and that there will be another appeal against the decision of the RIO. The CVZ said that RIO should have told them this, because if of course is nonsense to judge the previous appeal according to the situation as it was back then. On advice of CVZ I have also mentioned this last part in my appeal.
The first weeks/months after Henk told me about quitting the relation I psychically had it hard and I needed help which I got from a dear email friend. I couldn't hold on anymore. I didn't know where to go so I would get the care I needed. The RIO doesn't co-operate, the gp also didn't know it, I had nothing to say at the concerning authorities and so I wondered how the hell I should do it and what for. Henk was gone, so I didn't had to hold on for him. For the cats? For someone else? No I didn't want to anymore. I didn't like the idea that for the rest of my life I would be looked away somewhere in a room where I would be laying to wait till it is my time to go. I didn't want to leave my cats, at least they can't do anything about all this, but still... I already had the euthanasia-papers ready. It did also hurt so much, barely 1-2 weeks out of that 'coma-like' state (for the third time) and then you get to hear that you after 10 years are being dropped and left alone in the shit... not just by your friend, but also by the authorities like RIO, nursing home etc.
Two dear email-friends understood that it couldn't go on this way, that something had to happen and thank to them private nursing is being arranged which is being paid for by someone else for 3 months. I still think it is unbelievable that someone who does not know me pays 3 months of private nursing for me!

October 2004 part 1

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