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I have got more good news: I feel like me again!
The past half year I haven't felt myself anymore, I felt broken, fallen apart, to pieces, not me anymore. Of course not so funny if you consider what has happened the past half year and I haven't mentioned not even everything on my website (the things I have heard about my ex!). then there are also some ‘MCS-accidents' like my dad smoking, that my after oil and paint smelling reclining power chair was put in the closed veranda despite my objections, the new off-gassing washing machine (the old one couldn't be repaired anymore). All these things have done some harm of course; not only physically, but also mentally; this because the chemicals are in your brain within 2 seconds via your nose. The reactions due to influence of the chemicals are among others paralysis, having a lot of trouble maintaining full consciousness, not being able to talk anymore, being depressed, black-outs, painful and swollen mucous membranes, being short of breath, severe pain attack etc. In short, chemicals have a big impact on my physical and mental state.
Despite what you have read here for the past half year and which impression it maybe has given, I want to underline that I have not been depressed at all (except for the moments caused by exposure to chemicals (MCS) and so this doesn't count). I have never really had the feeling of a depression and also my gp and the private nurses didn't think I was depressed, although I doubted it once in a while. I of course have showed my feeling here and especially on the moments that it was too much for me so I can imagine that it looks somewhat depressed, but I am not depressed at all and I also haven't been depressed at all. In a short time I just had a lot to process so I just needed more time and it had a pretty impact on me, but it also would have done the same with a healthy person. Now that I have processed it, given it a place and accepted it I can go on with my life the way it is now and so I feel me again.

And now I finally want to show some PSP-creations of mine *LOL*
I have started with PSP about a year ago; I haven't worked a full year with PSP though because I am regularly too sick for some weeks/months to be able to do PSP. I am member of some Dutch PSP-clubs where I edit pictures and make PSP-tutorials. I like making tutorials although they take a lot of time to make, this due to my ME-memory. Making a lesson goes as followed: read step 1, go to PSP to do step 1, back to step to read again what I had to do, back to PSP to try to do step 1 again, again back to read step 1 because I have forgotten it again, again back to PSP to try it again, finally I have finished step 1, now the rest of step 1 plus all the other steps. In short, I am working for hours on 1 tutorial *LOL*
The first 2 PSP-pictures are edited at own perception, the 3rd PSP-picture is a so-called tag tutorial; at a tutorial you are at best free in the picture you use and the colours.

January 2005 part 3

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