How so sleepproblems?!

I have written the mail below somewhere beginning 1999 and put on Dutch ME-Net, but I actually had written it much earlier to my email-friend:

Hi

Some people say or think (CGT-people) that if you make a bit of fun about your disease or about your own bloopers (for example walking against the door as happened me a lot as I still were able to walk) that you then deny your disease or something. I think that if I couldn't do that that I then wouldn't survive this disease and would become very depressive. Seeing the fun of my disease/bloopers is my way of surviving, not that I manage to keep seeing everything always funny.
I have doubted for a long time if I would put this on the net, maybe some you don't find it written descent. Still I think that if I would write it descent it wouldn't be very clear that I just think it's funny what happened to me. I have written it exactly as I felt and thought. Henk doesn't like it of course, he was startled a lot as all this happened.
By the way, just like most of us I too suffer from a sleepdisorder; then I sleep okay for a few days, then I only sleep a few hours or not at all, but not sleeping at all for 2 weeks has never happened to me before, usually it's 4-5 days. I really hope that not sleeping for so long will happen again, you really get nuts from it and you start thinking idiot things.
Well here's my story, actually it is an experience, here it goes:

After not being able to sleep for about 2 weeks and being exhausted and no energy to write or what ever, I completely went nuts, twisted, being an idiot. Well you will know what I mean. Being completely nuts Henk called the gp and I got very heavy sleeping tablets. I had to took 2 and would surely sleep within a half hour for at least 12 hours. But well this lady didn't want to cooperate. As I were told I took those 2 tablets and 3 hours later I still was awake and yep I had to pee. Well I do have a urinal or lady's urifem so I thought that it was no problem, take the bottle and just pee (pardon my language). Oh what was I dizzy and nauseous as I sat up. But for the rest it was okay,... so I thought, because boink there I was on the floor. 10 minutes later I opened my eyes and hey why is Henk on the wrong place and in what a weird position. It appeared that Henk was putting me in bed and that he was on his knees on the floor. And oh what did my head hurt, are that tears that wet what I feel. No that's blood, hey how did I get that. Well, Henk explains to me; he startled awake from the boink, he looked beside him and I was lost. I had fell out of bed on my head on the foot support from the wheelchair. Henk lifted me up to put me back into bed, but he dropped me (he says it was an accident), again with my head on the floor. Finally he got me back in bed and then I regained consciousness a bit. Result: (little) wound at my right eye beneath my eyebrow, blue eye, swollen cheeck, wound under my chin, at my throat and right ankle. Maybe a concussion, because I have blacked out, have vomited afterwards and am still nauseous almost a week later. But I am not sure because all those complaints are more or less normal for me. And besides it doesn't matter, I already lay flat on my back for 24 hours. What a wonder is though is that the urinal with content which I had in my hands stood right-up with lid and all. Henk had heard falling the bottle and still it stood nice right-up. And I don't know why the lid was on the bottle, as for as I can remember I didn't do that, maybe I hadn't removed it yet, I don't know. According to Henk I fell real hard because it made a lot of noise. Henk doesn't think it's funny that I fell, but I almost pee in my pence of laughing when I think about it. I myself can't remember anything of it.

This of course has happened in the weekend so Monday morning Henk called the gp. His explanation was: normally you almost get in a coma of those tablets, but anyway I may never ever take them again. This also wasn't my intention. But it appears there are exceptions, like me, who don't sleep but act as if they have drunk themselves completely from the world. I did fall asleep though somewhere around 08.00h for about 7 hours. I now have rivotril and sinequan, I have read this in the newsletter of the Dutch ME-organization. Rivotril and sinequan are very light tablets tho, but we'll try. I have taken them now for 2 days and I have slept! When I wake up the next morning I think: mmmm nice, I have slept.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my ´sleepproblem´, I did anyway, I still think back about it with fun, except my head I still feel it that's a bit less.

A lot of strength and regards, ingeborg

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