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02/25/2003: I went back down with the tramadol, because I noticed that I did get food aversion from too much tramadol. I now use 2 tramadol a day and that is manageable, the pain is tolerable and with this dosage I don't have trouble with food aversion.

I have decided not to use deperrol (child) for the HPU. This because it isn't really necessary (I don't really have HPU) and because my insurance company has thrown everything I use out and so I now have to pay everything by myself. Here in the Netherlands you have to pay by yourself for some medicines, supplements etc. If you are lucky your insurance company will pay you back. Till now they have paid me almost everything back. Since January 1, 2003 you have to pay more each month, but now they are also throwing a lot out of the package you are insured for and so you will have to pay it for yourself without getting it all back from them. So now I have to pay all my medicines without getting a refund. Because I don't have much money (I get WAO, which is something like the Disability in America), I already have decided to drop acclysomadine because this costs 75 euro for 30 days... so way too expensive. I have asked dr. v. Montfort what else I can leave out and he mentioned Xaya (stabilizes blood sugar level) because I also use chromium which does about the same and is much cheaper. I do hope they still will refund EPD, because it would really s*ck if I have to drop that also. Because of my illness I have many expenses, because my food has to be organic... I can't tolerate normal food due to my gene disability (it's full with all kinds of chemicals etc.). I also have to drink bottled water and I have to cook my food in it due to allergy to tap water, this also costs at least 35 euro a month and everybody knows that organic food isn't really cheap (at least not here in the Netherlands). Here in the Netherlands you can try to get a refund for these things from the IRS, but you still have to pay it in front and that's the problem. Of course I am not the only one with this problem, almost every chronic ill and disabled person has this problem... at least the one who get Welfare or Disability and are not rich.
I just hope that, because I have to drop medicines/supplements I will not deteriorate again. That would be really terrible, especially because I am now slowly improving a bit. I don't want to think about it, yak! I think that I then don't want to live anymore. Are you improving and then they take that away from you by throwing everything out the package you use so that you can't pay it anymore and due to this you will probably deteriorate! This is really scandalous!!!! It's getting here more and more like America. Sorry guys, but this can really piss me off. It also frightens me that maybe because of this I will deteriorate to were I were in July... brrrr, scary thought.
And then also all that talking about the WAO. The 'gentlemen' in the government rather discharge the WAO... well they have enough money. So who knows, maybe they will also take that away from me and what then... ?!

Dr. Tisscher quits per 1 March in the hospital in Den Bosch. Now I could go to Eindhoven which is closer, but this is not a hospital and so you have to pay upfront and wait if your health insurance will pay you back. Dr. Tisscher also works a couple of days a week in the hospital in Veghel and so I will make an appointment there so I don't need to pay upfront.
Actually I had to make an appointment in February, but because I then also had and EPD-treatment and so I had to stay away from odours for a couple of weeks, it became March... that is if there is an spot for me. I wanted to call this afternoon for an appointment, but as usual I forgot... so now I will call Friday afternoon.

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