Back

Wednesday 10 September, 4th week declining scheme:
The gp has visited my today, I had to get my vitamin B12 injection again. He said that considering the circumstances of the past week it’s not to say how it went with the painkillers. So we stays on the scheme of last week which means 3 tramadols and 2 neurontin a day. Next week we will have contact again to see how it went and how we go on.

I have taken a bath today, Thursday… I had to wash my hair, it has been 2 weeks since the last time. Well I can tell you that taking a bath is not fun and relaxed anymore for me, everything has to go quick, quick… quick in bath, quick wash my hair (which Henk or my help does for me), quick out bath and quick being dried off by Henk or my help. I already put my bath robe on when I come out of bath, but it’s not fun anymore. I have to wait till there is enough water in the bath, cause when I go in the bath while the water is still running I have to go out the bath when it’s still not full because I am then too sick. This is probably due to the exertion and energy bathing cost me even if I am being helped. And when I finally lay in bath I have to go out of it in 5 minutes because I get really sick of going over my limit. So that’s why everything has to go so fast and quick. Before taking a bath was relaxing and now it’s a punishment… it sucks.
A warning for everyone who uses a wheel chair: always put it on the break when you get in or out!!! Today, Friday, Henk came helping me out of bed, he parked the wheelchair by the bed and then opened the blinds. I thought that I was able to get in the wheelchair by myself… not. The wheelchair rolled away and I fell on the floor between the wheelchair and the bed… well, this time I now where the brushes and the pain are from; this is what you get when you are pig headed. Do you know what the funny part of it is? I felt the wheelchair moving away from me and I thought ‘stop, don’t transfer’, but my body ignored it and made the transfer… at least it tried to.
It’s now Sunday 23 September and I notice that I get more and more exhausted and I am less awake… could this be a withdrawal effect of the tramadol... don’t think so???
It’s now Tuesday and tomorrow I have to call my gp to readapt the scheme. Looking back the pain was tolerable.

Wednesday 26 September, 5th week declining scheme:
The gp asked me how it went with the pain. ‘Oh’, I said, ‘it’s bearable’. Then he asked me how I thought about lessening the tramadol from 3 to 2. Well, I was already thinking about that for some days and fairly spoken I doubted if it would work. I told him this and he said that I had to keep the tramadol at 3 and raise the neurontin from 2 to 3 and then contact him again next week. So my schedule is now as follow: at 11.00 – 19.00 and 03.00 hours tramadol and neurontin.

At night Henk and I went to bed and he pushed me in the wheelchair to the stair elevator. Because Henk had his hands full I wanted to help and so I tried to move the wheelchair myself. I didn’t know what happened to me… so much terrible pain. It’s now one day later, Thursday and I still feel the pain. And then I knew it… the pain is bearable but I subconsciously was doing less and less due to the pain… so when I would do normal the pain wouldn’t be tolerable anymore. Damn, this was a bummer as I realised this! I indeed can’t work anymore as long with my laptop as I used to and embroidery has also become very difficult. I lie as still as possible so I have as less pain as possible. I already had thrown the pillows out of bed, which I used between my knees against the pressure pain, because it hurts me too much and it’s too exhausting to move the pillows with me every time I turned. All these things I have changed subconsciously due to the pain!!! There still hasn’t changed anything with eating, I keep on losing weight and I still eat bad. I am so terribly tired that they may put me in a hospital and drug me so that I can sleep for weeks in a row. I am 3 to 4 hours awake a day, because Henk wakes me up. I rather kept on sleeping, but I don’t want to because of Henk and I think that if I sleep till the next day and maybe longer I am not able to eat in the meantime and what even is of more importance… I will not get any fluids… and I really really would like to stay asleep. Henk and I both think that it’s really hard going to those 3 months in 1999. Henk talked with our gp about this, but my gp says that when I am in the hospital they immediately will take away the tramadol from me. That’s why he first wants to get me off of the tramadol, then see how it goes with my eating and if that’s then still nothing then I will be submitted in the hospital.
The whole week now I have paralysis and this every day. I haven’t had them for a half year, so it sucks that I have them again. Each time when I go to sleep and close my eyes it’s like I fall and then I can’t do anything anymore; no talking, reacting, moving, absolutely nothing… and that while I am even not asleep yet cause I hear Henk talk to me or the rain or so. Sometimes it takes a few hours and it’s over, sometimes it takes a few hours and then an hour not and then again a few hours etc. and sometimes it takes as long as I sleep and this can be 8 hours but also 20 hours.
Looking back at the past week I have to say that is okay except for the paralysis and the terrible exhaustion.

Next

Sitemap